I’m not a joiner, but please, ask me to hang out….
I grew up in a big family. Five brothers and sisters, and quite the extended family. Being alone wasn’t something that happened often, or that I wished for. I always wanted 6 or 7 kids someday, so I would have that guarantee of constantly being surrounded by family. Family is safe, family is fun, family is comfort, and without them I’d be lost. (For the record, that number has changed drastically, especially after having just one of my own.)
There’s something comforting about being around the people you love, laughing and joking, even fighting or poking fun. They’ve got your back, and you can count on them. You may hate them for a minute, but you know that if anyone else treats you badly, they’ll be there to protect you fiercely, or at least you hope so.
I haven’t had many lifetime friendships, because at the end of the day, I’ve got my family, and it’s so much easier to deal with them, than it is who those who aren’t related to me. Even when it’s hard, it’s not, if that makes any sense at all.
You see, I struggle with anxiety, I may be a little lazy, and I’m an introvert. A lot of the time, I struggle with social interaction. I worry about the impression that I make on others, I spend years regretting stupid things I’ve said, and constantly worry that people are mad at me. Somehow though, I survive. I repress my social anxiety, I join, I make friends, I put myself out there. Mostly because, despite all of this, I crave human interaction. That is, until I can’t stand it.
If I’m around my family or my husband, I’m fine, but put me in a room full of anyone else and I’m a wreck. You won’t see it, because I’m really good at hiding it, but it’s there. I’m analyzing everything, observing body language and conversation, trying my best to fit in, and probably already wishing I hadn’t said something. Then, I start wishing that I was in bed or on the couch, watching Netflix and cuddling with my little family.
I love making plans, until about one week to two days beforehand and then I regret it. I either wait until the last second, forcing myself to follow through, or I cancel. I come up with a decent excuse and feel terrible and worry about letting people down, but cancel just the same. (I’ve been known to do this to my family too, so no one is exempt.)
I don’t do it to hurt anyone, or because I don’t care, I do it because sometimes, I just can’t. I can’t be a joiner. I need to be by myself. I have to be “alone”.
http://www.quietrev.com/6-illustrations-that-show-what-its-like-in-an-introverts-head/
I’m also a lot more understanding when people cancel on me because I wanted out of it anyways, or I just get it. Things come up, and anything can change day to day. Whether it’s an emotional state of mind or what others may believe is a legitimate excuse (I.E. No money, family emergency, etc.) I believe any excuse is legitimate and it would make my life a lot easier if I felt comfortable just saying “Hey, it’s not you its me, but I really don’t feel like hanging out today”. I understand the disappointment of plans changing, trust me, I do. I just don’t hold it against people.
None of this is meant to be an excuse for disappointing friends or family, because that’s never my intent. In all honesty, I really do want to do things, to join, to participate, but sometimes it’s exhausting and as much as I worry about pleasing others, sometimes I have to please myself.
So please, don’t hesitate to invite me to do things. More often than not, I’m happy to join. Please just understand, that when I can’t, it has nothing to do with you and it doesn’t make me a terrible, insensitive person either. It just makes me human.
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